When I Realize – C3

*note: I’m not a native English so please be aware that there will be many broken grammar.

Why can’t you hold me in the street?
Why can’t I kiss you on the dance floor?

She was sitting on a bench in the park, enjoying the night sky view; it’s the only entertainment she can  enjoy lately.

“Where are you?”

A small whisper came to her ears. She called out the message system and saw the message from a certain someone.

“What’s wrong with you? Are you mad?” another whisper came.

She does some hand gesture to unlock the virtual venue access and a male avatar pops in. He walks to her, bending and take her hands.

“Nothing wrong.” she answers, looking down.

He lift her chin–gazing through her eyes, “I know you hiding something.”

She pushed his hand away and lets out a long sigh, “Am I your toy?”

“Mm? Why?”

“I hate it.”

He sits on the bench and grab her waist, not letting her run. “What’s wrong?” he asks.

“You treating me harsh whenever she comes.” she blurts out the thing that annoy her, “You only come to me if you have something, you’re a cat!!”

Just a bit he blanked out and looked speechless, “Are you jealous?”

“I’m not.”


“Quit it, I know my limit.”

“Sweety, are you mad?” he started to speaking in low tone.

She blushes but she stubbornly keeps her pride, “I said it’s nothing so it’s nothing!”

He finally let go and nods, “Alright then…”

She looks down but her hand grabs his hand. Their hand linked and they just silently sit there together without saying anything. She gave the virtual venue authority to him and he locked the access.

Before long he pull her closer and embrace her, kissing her cheek and cuddling there looking at the night sky view together.

Every time I see you, I die a little more
Stolen moments that we steal as the curtain falls
It’ll never be enough
It’s obvious you’re meant for me
Every piece of you, it just fits perfectly
Every second, every thought, I’m in so deep
But I’ll never show it on my face

I don’t want to make it hard to you, so I won’t complain anymore. I’ll keep it all alone and enjoying this moment while I can.


I Hate U I Love You


Feeling used
But I’m
Still missing you
And I can’t
See the end of this
Just wanna feel your kiss
Against my lips
And now all this time
Is passing by
But I still can’t seem to tell you why
It hurts me every time I see you
Realize how much I need you

I hate you I love you
I hate that I love you
Don’t want to, but I can’t put
Nobody else above you
I hate you I love you
I hate that I want you
You want her, you need her
And I’ll never be her

I miss you when I can’t sleep
Or right after coffee
Or right when I can’t eat
I miss you in my front seat
Still got sand in my sweaters
From nights we don’t remember
Do you miss me like I miss you?
Fucked around and got attached to you
Friends can break your heart too, and
I’m always tired but never of you
If I pulled a you on you, you wouldn’t like that shit
I put this reel out, but you wouldn’t bite that shit
I type a text but then I nevermind that shit
I got these feelings but you never mind that shit
Oh oh, keep it on the low
You’re still in love with me but your friends don’t know
If u wanted me you would just say so
And if I were you, I would never let me go
I don’t mean no harm
I just miss you on my arm
Wedding bells were just alarms
Caution tape around my heart
You ever wonder what we could have been?
You said you wouldn’t and you fucking did
Lie to me, lie with me, get your fucking fix
Now all my drinks and all my feelings are all fucking mixed
Always missing people that I shouldn’t be missing
Sometimes you gotta burn some bridges just to create some distance
I know that I control my thoughts and I should stop reminiscing
But I learned from my dad that it’s good to have feelings
When love and trust are gone
I guess this is moving on
Everyone I do right does me wrong
So every lonely night, I sing this song

I hate you I love you
I hate that I love you
Don’t want to, but I can’t put
Nobody else above you
I hate you I love you
I hate that I want you
You want her, you need her
And I’ll never be her

All alone I watch you watch her
Like she’s the only girl you’ve ever seen
You don’t care you never did
You don’t give a damn about me
Yeah all alone I watch you watch her
She’s the only thing you’ve ever seen
How is it you never notice
That you are slowly killing me

I hate you I love you
I hate that I love you
Don’t want to, but I can’t put
Nobody else above you
I hate you I love you
I hate that I want you
You want her, you need her
And I’ll never be her

When I Realize – C2

This morning I checked my email and really flattered to see people who like ‘When I Realize’ and start to follow my blog. I’m really thankful for you guys, Garry Maurice, Internalbasis, and Sara H. 🙂

*note: I’m not a native English so please be aware that there will be many broken grammar.

Dum dum 4

In this story, she’s not the heroine. She’s the third person, the despised paramour.

It’s frustrating to be second. She knows her place and the boundary but still the frustration starts to build up inside her. Blankly staring at the horizon, she let her hair flows freely. The gentle breeze sweeps her face and sometimes some drops of seawater trickling her.

She opened the menu and saw her friend list; there, his name is lit. She checked the status and understand that the guy is hanging out with his girl. Their relationship is a bizarre one. It’s not dating but it’s not simple friendship either. He’ll get jealous and she’ll get jealous as well, but it’s not dating.

I know it’s only playing around…it’s not like I want to be his wife or what, yet why…

She sighs loudly, closing her eyes and facing the sky. Small waves starting to reach her feet, the horizon’s no longer blue but fiery orange.

I hate myself…

Don’t give me hope…

Don’t give me those attention…

What are we? You’ve asked…’we’re dating right?’

The heck with dating, you know your status yet you asked that. You know I’m jealous and my pride not letting me admit it. I saw your horrible attitude and jealousy yet you said it was joking.

Your look is ordinary, your wealth doesn’t matter; how did I got trapped into this?

The plan was just to enjoy and playing around but then…

When I realize…you already took me as your personal toy and I let it went too far.

When I realize – C1

My first post after 4 years (LOL)!!

Let’s start with a short one~

*note: I’m not a native English so please be aware that there will be many broken grammar.

sierra chan

“I like your name and your attitude”, she said it without holding back.

He only laugh it and hold her right hand, taking her away from the sandy beach.

“I love your hair”, he says.

She blushes, feeling happy that her choice to have that kind of hairstyle paid off.

Suddenly he stops. She looks at his eyes curiously, wondering what are in his mind.

“Girl, don’t ever trust people easily. Even me, don’t trust me.”

She stares at his eyes, letting out a small smile. “I know that”


She quietly enjoy the warm of his hand,  ‘Since you also not trust me, why bother to put trust?’

“When will you come tomorrow?” He pulls her hand nearing his chest.

She shakes her head, “I don’t know, when will you come?”

“I asked you first.”

She rolls her eyes, ‘There’s no hospitality for a lady huh?’

“I’ll come around 7…”

“AM? PM?”

“PM…I got flight in the morning.”

He smiles mischievously “Yeah, right.”

The hands separated. He goes that way and she walks this way.

“Let’s enjoy our time playing together.” She suddenly calls him.

This is not a serious relationship, after all we only want to play around a bit aren’t we?

He laughs, “Hope tomorrow will be better, have a good sleep woman.”

‘Ah…this guy, he really doesn’t trust me even a bit.’ she sighs and turn.

I said that it doesn’t matter, but a woman is a woman. Even I don’t know my own heart. In the end I still want to be spoiled and whispered sweet nothing eh? Well, let’s see what tomorrow brings then.

She logs out and takes off her virtual reality device.

Holding the device, she thinks… ‘ What a scary world, space doesn’t matter anymore and toying around is a daily thing to do. What are the games now? Isn’t it the people’s feeling? Yeah…the latest game are the people’s feeling… Even our own feeling. No wonder my heart getting darker each day, I’ve played it more than enough. ‘

Putting the device away, she left the game room in darkness.